the fall of the last good listener

The croissant flakes linger on her lips as she talks. I pick up a little spoon and stir my coffee, black with nothing in it, as a distraction. I'm trying to see the girl I once knew in the face in front of me, but something has changed. Her once bleach-blond hair, now a deep chestnut color, is the most obvious difference. Using her hands to sweep up the croissant crumbs from the table, I notice the small, gold band on her left ring finger, and feel a shiver of disappointment run through me when I realize that in the hour we have spent together, I have yet to hear about a man in her life.

A memory forms in front of me, of picking her up after school, watching her weave through the other teenagers with an unnatural confidence. Her mother would often ask me to pick her up on Fridays so that we could do something that would distract Kristina from getting into trouble downtown. It wasn't really in our 'Big Sister' contract to act as a distraction, but I got the drift.

"You still with Jamie?", she asks.

"seventeen years"

"Dang. That's longer than most"

I decide not to tell her about our large, lingering fight this morning.

"How about you? Anyone special in your life?"

She twists her delicate wrist and looks at her watch.

"I need to pick up Kiera at 2 from my mom's. I should probably get going"

"You want one more cup before you go?"

"No. But you wanna share a cigarette with me outside?"

We stand up simultaneously. I can feel the adrenaline run through me from the last time we shared a cigarette, under a tree in the pouring rain, the day I lost the baby.

She pulls out a crumpled pack of American Spirits and hands one to me. I light up first. Kristina puts hers in her mouth, leans towards my face and pushes it towards the tip of mine. We stand close, cigarettes touching, light burning.

"It would be nice to see you more often. It was really nice to catch up today", I say.

She looks at me blankly, tilts her eyes up to the sky.

"I've been on a lot more meds these days. But it's good. I feel calmer."

She takes a long, slow drag.

"It looks like rain. I think I left my windows rolled down. Better go. Thanks Mia!"

A low rumble echoes from the sky. The sun disappears and I can feel the heavy pitter patter of drops fall on my head.